I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
