Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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