For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
