he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
