my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize