hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
