Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize