I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
