I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
