Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
