Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
