I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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