I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
