Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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