I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
