I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
