guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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