If i come over, it means nothing
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
