the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
