I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
