that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
