I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
