Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
