So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
