just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
