toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize