chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you traded sex for a burrito?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
