3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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