hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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