Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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