Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
