its not stalking. its research.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Who died my cat blue again?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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