I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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