while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
