youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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