i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
