why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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