Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
