Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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