I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
