shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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