my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
