Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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