Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
