Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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