This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
