Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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