i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize