3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
