; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
