just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
my poor anus
did you just send me my own nude
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
