Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
