maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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