Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
