Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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