Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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