The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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