I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
