i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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