Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
