don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
