I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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