wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
