I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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