im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize