Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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