Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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