You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
